Dating - the eternal minefield

I was in the library today when I bumped straight into a guy I recognised, but only because I've been trying to persuade dearest Vanille to date him ever since she first mentioned him with that tone reserved for men that she *might* date but never will. Because she doesn't date. Neither of us do, in all fairness, but the chance encounter with the sweet guy with the big eyebrows got me thinking about why. Or rather - why not?

I have never dated, at least not in the way I'd think of as "dating". I assumed that the problem was that in Britain people don't seem to date the way they do in movies - or are we a nation fooled by Sex and the City-style lunches and cocktails with men that don't actually happen in the real world? Surely it can't be that complicated - a date is a pre-arranged meeting where you do something together - coffee, a meal, cinema, going to a party together. The date must end as a duo. Surely a natural beginning. Or not. Without dating, I've had a string of relationships, which may sound odd - but take the last as a good example.

Mr Right Then was a first in that he came out of my close social circle, and we got together after a few late nights watching online episodes of that sitcom set in that city with that group of friends (I wasn't really paying attention) and a final drunken, very unromantic (but nevertheless lovely) episode in the Union bar. Socially we remained exactly the same after as we always had been - the only differences in fact, were that I had half the sleeping space and perhaps a bigger smile - but there was definitely no dating. The only thing we probably ever arranged to do was go to the supermarket. Definitely NOT a date.

I reasoned that maybe in Britain we put so little emphasis on dating that we just forget to do it at all. But it seems that so much emphasis is put on dating in America, people like our sweet friend VanillaOak feel too pressured to get it right. She may wish to defend herself on this point, but I'm certain that the number of people who have fallen under her plentiful charms is far greater than she even knows - because if someone doesn't fit the bill, she wouldn't consider even a casual drink.

So she doesn't date because if it's not perfect, it's just not right. I don't date because if it's right, that stage just gets skipped. Several times we have talked about how we should get ourselves out there, go out and talk to guys - date. Date!
But maybe we never will. We each have our own patterns. And succesful or not in the present I think we'll be giggling about them for years and years to come.

Love,
CinnamonPine